Warring couples are only half as likely to cite adultery as the cause of a marriage breakdown than they were 40 years ago, but claims of unreasonable behaviour have rocketed, analysis of more than 5m divorce cases has shown.

Co-operative Legal Services compared the grounds for divorce in the 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s as well as the present day.

It found that while in the 70s, 29% of marriages ended because of adultery, the latest figures show only 15% of divorces were down to infidelity. In the 70s unreasonable behaviour was cited in 28% of cases but it now accounts for almost half of all divorces (47%).

Examples of unreasonable behaviour given to lawyers for divorce include an unsociable husband making his wife feel guilty when she wanted to go out with her friends; a cross-dressing husband who decided to have a sex change; and a spouse withdrawing all the family savings – £40,000 – and burning it in the bedroom.

Click here to continue reading this article from The Guardian.

However you decide to go about proposing mediation or collaborative divorce, it is important to convey to your spouse your willingness to consider his or her point of view on whether, when, how, and with whom to start the process. This sets the stage for successful negotiations once you get started. Here are seven simple rules to remember:

Do your homework. Find out about mediation or collaboration, how it works, what it costs, and who offers it in your area. Read a book. Talk to people knowledgeable about mediation and collaboration.

Do give neutral reasons to mediate or collaborate. Point out that mediation or collaboration is inexpensive for both of you and that it will help you come up with a fair and amicable settlement.

Do offer to share information. Tell your spouse what you’ve learned about mediators or collaborative lawyers in your area. If you have brochures or other printed materials from potential mediators or collaborative professional groups, offer copies to your spouse.

Do give your spouse choices. Demonstrate your willingness to be flexible from the beginning by asking your spouse’s opinion about your proposal. If you are proposing mediation, provide a list of several mediators to choose from, and ask your spouse to suggest a mediator.

Click here for more tips on how to propose mediation or collaborative divorce to your spouse.

When a new client comes into the office, a part of our initial discussion is which one of three forks in the road should the client take in this case. Is this a case that must be litigated because there are issues that only a Judge can decide? Are the parties able to retain the services of a 3rd party mediator to work through their divorce? What about the new kid on the block, this collaborative divorce idea?

Generally speaking, litigation is the default by the court and most of the lawyers. A client walks into the office and says that his or her spouse has been having an affair or has been treating his or her spouse in a cruel and disrespectful manner. Perhaps the spouse is abusive of the child or children or is trying to leave the area with the child or children. Those cases where there is or was domestic violence in the relationship, strongly held religious or ethnic differences or any other issue that polarizes the parties or where the trust factor is so low due to an affair; are the ones that usually have to be litigated.

Mediation works well where the parties do have a good level of trust and believe that the other party will negotiate in good faith. Both parties are willing to entrust the process to a 3rd party neutral mediator. Click here to continue reading this article from The National Law Review by Richard A. Gray.

Click here to speak to with one of our experienced mediators and find out if mediation is right for you.

No one enters into a marriage expecting it to fail. Still, more than 20 percent of first marriages end in divorce within five years, and 48 percent of marriages dissolve by the 20-year mark, according to 2006-2010 data from the government’s National Survey of Family Growth. Separation and divorce are emotionally difficult events, but it is possible to have a healthy breakup.

Cooperation, communication and mediation

The end of a marriage typically unleashes a flood of emotions including anger, grief, anxiety and fear. Sometimes these feelings can rise up when you least expect them, catching you off guard. Such a response is normal, and over time the intensity of these feelings will subside. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Researchers have found that people who are kind and compassionate to themselves have an easier time managing the day-to-day difficulties of divorce.

Try not to think of the breakup as a battle. Divorce mediation is often a good alternative to courtroom proceedings. Trying to work things out yourself can be frustrating and self-defeating as the problems that contributed to your divorce are likely to re-emerge during divorce negotiations. Research shows that mediation can be beneficial for emotional satisfaction, spousal relationships and children’s needs.

Click here to continue reading.

When divorce is an obvious solution to a disastrous marriage, it’s easier for kids to understand. If either parent is abusive to partner and kids, an addict whose habit has thrown the family into poverty, or a criminal in the world and a tyrant at home, it makes sense to children that the more balanced parent would want to take them away from all that.

When home is a place filled with tension, where everyone has to walk on eggshells to avoid a blowup, where the primary contact between the grownups is fighting and violence or seething hostility, kids often want out as much as one of their parents.

But what can the kids make of it when the reasons for the divorce aren’t so obvious? Adult reasons aren’t always appropriate to share with kids. The reasons you can share may seem lame to them. You’re not happy. You and your partner don’t share the same interests, activities, or goals. You or your partner is attracted to someone else. Sex isn’t what you think it should be. Daily life is boring at best; clouded by low-grade hostility at worst. Little decisions get left to one or the other. Big decisions seem impossible. Maybe there is a hidden addiction (gambling, shopping, Internet porn) that is eroding the marriage but isn’t visible to the children. You and your partner aren’t a team. You aren’t in love. You think life has to be better than this. But you’ve been wise enough to shield the children from your growing unhappiness.

Click here to continue reading this article from psychcentral.com.

Hartwell-Walker, M. (2009). Helping Kids Cope with Your Amicable Divorce. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 16, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/helping-kids-cope-with-your-amicable-divorce/0001558.

Whether you’ve lost a job or a girlfriend, it won’t take long before someone tells you, Dust yourself off. Time heals all wounds.

Yes, but how much time?

Experts say most people should give themselves a good two years to recover from an emotional trauma such as a breakup or the loss of a job. And if you were blindsided by the event—your spouse left abruptly, you were fired unexpectedly—it could take longer.

That is more time than most people expect, says Prudence Gourguechon, a psychiatrist in Chicago and former president of the American Psychoanalytic Association. It’s important to know roughly how long the emotional disruption will last. Once you get over the shock that it is going to be a long process, you can relax, Dr. Gourguechon says. “You don’t have to feel pressure to be OK, because you’re not OK.”

Click here to continue reading this article from The Wall Street Journal.

“After Divorce or Job Loss Comes the Good Identity Crisis.” Weblog entry. The Wall Street Journal. July 30, 2013. Accessed Aug 20, 2013, from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324354704578635900864791348.html.