Life is not over after divorce. Dr. Phil shows divorced couples how to finally let go, how to deal with the changes and make the most out of your new life.

Divorce is a major life change that can leave a person reeling. Suddenly being on your own to deal with issues such as money, children, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem overwhelming. Dr. Phil and Libby Gill, author of the book Traveling Hopefully: How to Lose Your Family Baggage and Jumpstart Your Life offer advice on how to begin to live life after divorce.

If you’re having trouble letting go:

There is life after this marriage

As hard as it is to believe right now, one day this marriage will just be something you did once. You’ll go on and you’ll have what you create.

Get out of denial

Ask yourself: Do you really want this marriage, or are you hanging onto it out of fear? If being alone is a scarier thought than staying in a broken marriage, you’re letting fear make your decisions. Are you mourning the loss of what your marriage was, or what you thought marriage would be?

Don’t burn daylight

Grieving doesn’t have a time frame on it, but life does. Whether you realize it or not, life is marching on. There comes a time when you have to accept the fact and say, “I’ve got to get on with my life, I’ve got to get on with raising my children, I’ve got to get on with putting things together where I can be a happy, meaningful, productive member of society.” Find a way to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

Life After Divorce. Drphil.com. Retrieved on July 1, 2014, http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/213.

A study conducted by Dr. Robert Emery concluded that divorce through method of mediation kept most families out of court and was less disruptive to the lives of those involved. The study also showed that family members were more likely to keep in contact even 12 years after the mediated divorce.

The following is a summary of Dr. Emery’s 12-year study on the effects of divorce mediation. This divorce mediation study is also available in Microsoft PowerPoint presentation format here.

The Study

• Used a high conflict group – families who had filed for contested custody hearing
• Used random assignment (the magic of science) — a flip of a coin determined whether families went to mediation or adversary settlement
• Sample was young and low income
• Mediation was short-term (5-hr average) and problem-focused but sensitive to emotions, especially grief
• Was a longitudinal study — families were followed for 12 years

Mediation Kept Most Families Out of Court

• If the coin came up tails and they stayed in the adversary system, 75% of families appeared before a judge
• But if the coin came up heads, less than 20% appeared before a judge
• Even when mediation failed, parents tended to settle out of court with the help of their lawyers

So you’ve made it through your divorce. Or you’ve split as a couple, but the result of a relationship, however brief or long it was, that once existed has resulted in new love: your children. Whether you’re excited about it or not, you’ll be in a new and different relationship with your child’s other parent for the next fifty or so years.

And, if your kids aren’t already in college, you’ll need to be communicating effectively with the other parent on a regular basis. Are there ways that are better than others to discuss what your kids need without losing your mind? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Co-Parenting can be tough, tough business, especially if residual negative feelings exist on either side. You can handle every aspect like a pro, with a little practice and some proper procedures:

Cordor, Honoree. The Co-Parenting Cheat Sheet. Huffingtonpost.com. Retrieved on July 1, 2014, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/honoree-corder/the-coparenting-cheat-she_b_5432369.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce.

There can be many benefits to choosing divorce through mediation. The cost and amount of stress can be greatly reduced through a collaborative divorce. Continue reading to learn why an amicable divorce might be right for you.

“The comparison in cost is dramatic if collaborative divorce is compared to people who are in and out of court in contested litigation,” Hansen says. However, she adds that divorcées should choose the process based on quality, not because it is a less expensive measure. 

Speed: The pace of collaborative divorce is determined by the couple—if they choose to reach a resolution quickly, they can. If they’d rather not rush through the process, they have that option as well.

Low-stress environment: The couple sits down with their lawyers to talk through each aspect of the divorce. Mental health experts are brought in, and if there are children involved, co-parenting techniques are developed. “A divorce may end the marriage, but it doesn’t end the family,” says Hansen.

Do you feel like your kids may be emotionally set back because of you and your spouse’s divorce? Studies show the idea that divorce ruins children’s lives may not be correct. In fact, kids with single or co-parents may be better equipped for life and success as adults.

Many divorcing parents wonder what psychological damage is occurring to their babies because they’re being raised by divorced parents.During and after your divorce, if you’ve ever asked yourself the question, “How screwed up are my kids going to be?” you are not alone!

As I discovered doing research for this post, it seems that kids of single and co-parents are not only doing just fine, they grow up to be pretty awesome. HuffPost LIVE even did a segment on how kids of single parents seem to be better equipped for life and success as adults. You can view it here.