When divorce is an obvious solution to a disastrous marriage, it’s easier for kids to understand. If either parent is abusive to partner and kids, an addict whose habit has thrown the family into poverty, or a criminal in the world and a tyrant at home, it makes sense to children that the more balanced parent would want to take them away from all that.

When home is a place filled with tension, where everyone has to walk on eggshells to avoid a blowup, where the primary contact between the grownups is fighting and violence or seething hostility, kids often want out as much as one of their parents.

But what can the kids make of it when the reasons for the divorce aren’t so obvious? Adult reasons aren’t always appropriate to share with kids. The reasons you can share may seem lame to them. You’re not happy. You and your partner don’t share the same interests, activities, or goals. You or your partner is attracted to someone else. Sex isn’t what you think it should be. Daily life is boring at best; clouded by low-grade hostility at worst. Little decisions get left to one or the other. Big decisions seem impossible. Maybe there is a hidden addiction (gambling, shopping, Internet porn) that is eroding the marriage but isn’t visible to the children. You and your partner aren’t a team. You aren’t in love. You think life has to be better than this. But you’ve been wise enough to shield the children from your growing unhappiness.

Click here to continue reading this article from psychcentral.com.

Hartwell-Walker, M. (2009). Helping Kids Cope with Your Amicable Divorce. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 16, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/helping-kids-cope-with-your-amicable-divorce/0001558.

Whether you’ve lost a job or a girlfriend, it won’t take long before someone tells you, Dust yourself off. Time heals all wounds.

Yes, but how much time?

Experts say most people should give themselves a good two years to recover from an emotional trauma such as a breakup or the loss of a job. And if you were blindsided by the event—your spouse left abruptly, you were fired unexpectedly—it could take longer.

That is more time than most people expect, says Prudence Gourguechon, a psychiatrist in Chicago and former president of the American Psychoanalytic Association. It’s important to know roughly how long the emotional disruption will last. Once you get over the shock that it is going to be a long process, you can relax, Dr. Gourguechon says. “You don’t have to feel pressure to be OK, because you’re not OK.”

Click here to continue reading this article from The Wall Street Journal.

“After Divorce or Job Loss Comes the Good Identity Crisis.” Weblog entry. The Wall Street Journal. July 30, 2013. Accessed Aug 20, 2013, from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324354704578635900864791348.html.

This time of year is busy for all parents, but it is particularly challenging when you’re divorced or separated. Not only are you juggling supply lists, back-to-school shopping, open houses, and more volunteer events than your schedule has room for, but you’re also managing a parenting schedule, cost-splitting, and trying to maintain a positive relationship with your ex.
Click here for sanity-saving tips from Broward Family Life.

Adding Pro Se mediation to the menu of services you offer is a smart business decision that can also be fulfilling and rewarding for all involved

An increasing number of couples today are choosing an uncontested approach to divorce. Even more increasing, are the numbers of pro se contested divorce cases filed each year. The reasons for this are many, including the acrimony sometimes inherent in the divorce court battle, the potentially adverse effect the divorce process has on children, and probably the greatest reason is the financial cost of hiring two attorneys or the costs of a prolonged divorce litigation. It is particularly noticed in light of the economic challenges we have seen these past years, that couples facing divorce are seeking less-expensive options to help them dissolve the marriage.

Clearly, as the number of pro se filings increase each year, there is a demonstrated need for affordable and perhaps less stressful divorce services, and therefore a growing market of unrepresented spouses for the family attorney to serve. Family law attorneys may find that offering to these potential clients the option for a pre-suit, pro se mediated divorce, where the two spouses can hire one attorney serving as their mediator, is beneficial not only for the clients, but also will enhance his or her practice.

The opportunity to increase the client base an attorney serves has noticeable financial benefits. In addition, many attorneys find career satisfaction in conducting cooperative process divorces, either as a mediator or collaborative attorney. Unlike the attorney as representative, an attorney as mediator is in a position to help the couple together as they make the difficult transition from married to not married. These attorneys are not constrained by the usual ethical obligation to represent either one or the other of the parties involved.

The benefits of mediation are generally known, and such benefits are more pronounced in divorce where the issues are often personal and private in nature, they involve one family often sharing common goals or interests, and the items (or children) at issue “belong” to both parties and will, at the conclusion be divided and shared.  Thus, when you offer your clients the option to hire you as their mediator, pro se, serving both of them as parties to the divorce, you provide the following advantages.

The pro se mediation is collaborative; it occurs in a “safe” and private environment where the participants are empowered to discuss their concerns. The attorney mediator provides expertise and guidance on the legal and non-legal issues with which the couple is faced, resulting in a legally sound marital settlement agreement, containing the AGREED terms of the final court order of divorce.  The resulting court order is based upon communication between the parties themselves. Research shows that those who have been heard are more likely to feel satisfied having accepted the results, and more likely to adhere later to the terms of agreement.

Many attorney/mediators report a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when they have been able to help the couple achieve a divorce by agreement.

For many divorcing couples, the option to use Pro Se Attorney/Mediation to dissolve their legal relationship is a welcome resource for an affordable and legally wise approach that also promotes a positive transition, rather than the ingredients for a more expensive and potentially prolonged process. For families with children, research shows that how parents go about the process of divorce is the most important factor in predicting success for their children.  By offering the option, attorneys have the unique opportunity to assist families as their new foundation is formed for the post-divorce relationship. For Family Attorneys, adding pro se mediation to the menu of services they already provide is a smart business decision that can also be fulfilling and rewarding for all involved. Ralph Waldo Emerson states it best, “The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.”

To learn more about partnering with Divorce Without War® to help grow your business, click here.